The process of getting Maria moved to BARC has gotten excruciatingly balled up in the legal system.  Every day or so, we’ve been advised of one more hoop to jump through–reports, evaluations, delays because the judge is not available or because someone else has now decided they have a part to play in the process.  It’s bad enough that this is running in the thousands of dollars in legal fees already.  But we are no closer today to knowing when the transfer will be approved than we were 10 days ago.  It gets harder each day for Maria and for the past week, I have basically had to stay engaged with her all through the waking hours to keep her on an even keel.  The last three days, I have had to talk her down from the emotional ledge at least once a day. We thought we were making the right decision when we brought her home but we also knew there was risk involved. Now,we are gathering ourselves up to cut the visit short and return her to TDC until we get through the process with the court.  That decision is hard for a number of reasons, but we and she all need to be safe and the longer this extends, the more the risk.  We simply can’t set her up for failure.

This afternoon, our dear friends P and L had her over for a while and she got to help bake Valentine’s Day cookies.  When it was time to go pick her up, I grabbed my camera and stopped and took a few shots along County Road 29.  My girl’s eyes were sparkling and she was laughing when I picked her up and now it is back in the harder space of anger, fear and despair.  Her dad is watching her for a while.

Cold wind blowing, more grey than light and what seems to be an interminable wait…